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I Let It In – The Music, The Beauty, The Love

By: , February 16th, 2016. Posted in: Happiness, Musings, Parenting

Sometimes I let stress get in the way of life's most beautiful moments, and I'm trying to change that.

Photo Credit Ilana Natasha Photography

Originally posted on November 17, 2015 with a different photograph.

Sometimes you just need the universe to give you a gentle slap across the face and say “snap out of it!”

Work has been stacking up lately, and I’ve gotten really behind.  Like really, really behind.  Like I could work for an entire week uninterrupted and I still wouldn’t be caught up, behind.

This has happened because Jason’s voice business has continued to grow.  He’s been working longer hours, which means the majority of the child care is defaulting to me.  The accounting work for the business has also grown (which is my job, in addition to this blog).  Between Jason and I, we usually have somewhere between 70 to 80 hours of work that needs to be done in any given week (not counting the round-the-clock job of raising an infant and a toddler).  Since I’m usually with the kids from the time LB wakes up until he finally falls asleep at night, I’m finding it nearly impossible to stay caught up on work.

I’ve been doing a pretty swell job of (at least) keeping everything organized, and making sure that I take care of the “low hanging fruit” like paying bills when they come due, grocery shopping, dishes, laundry, and regular blog posts (and I wouldn’t even be able to accomplish that if not for my awesome mom and mother-in-law who regularly come by to help with the kids).

As long as I don’t let the looming mound of “to dos” get to me, I’m able to stay present with my kids during the day.  I’m able to stay positive, patient, and focused.  I’m able to be the mom I want to be.  But when I let myself think about the pile of unfinished work, I can sometimes forget what’s most important.  That’s exactly what happened to me tonight.

My mother-in-law is spending the night with us, which is always a fantastic opportunity for me to get some work done.  When she stays with us, she takes care of putting LB to bed, leaving me to focus on LG (usually a much easier feat).

LG is typically asleep by 7:15, but tonight she wasn’t cooperating.  She just wanted to be held, and because I was counting on those extra work hours, I couldn’t prevent my stress and frustration from building under the surface.  So to speed things up (because I couldn’t wait to get back downstairs), I used my phone to play some classical music (LG’s favorite since the day she was born).  I just knew it would work.  It had to.  So. Much. To. Do.

I was rocking her as the music played.  After a few songs, she still wasn’t sleeping.  I kept checking my watch.  My mind was still on that pile of work downstairs, and not on the beautiful human being sitting in my lap.

About midway through the fourth song, Maurice Ravel’s “Piano Concerto In G Major”, I let it in.  I let in the lovely, soothing music.  I let in the tiny hand grasping my finger.  I let in the sweet smell of my baby’s breath when she yawned.  I let in the sound of her cooing voice.  I let in the weight of her in my arms.  I let in the warmth of her snuggled up next to me.  I let in the realization that my sweet daughter will only be a baby for a short time.  I let in so much love that I thought my heart may burst.

And by the time she fell asleep in my arms, I didn’t want to put her down.  I rocked her a little longer, because work can always wait.

 

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